michiganâ€™s notorious sex toy bandits, whogot engaged at a walmart, started a gofundme page inorder to find their wedding. william j cornelius juniorproposed to his now fiancâ€¦ at a walmart, and thenafterwards they proceeded
sex newspaper, to steal items from aspencerãs gifts store. then they got arrested. of course they are having ahard time paying for their wedding, so they started agofundme page, asking for
$10,000. let me give you somemore details. this is all according tothe court records. let's pause, because this storyis about to take a lot of turns. at that twist, i lovethese guys. it is totally heartwarming,awesome, america is totally on your side. then, as the story evil alwaysand you start to see them stealing one thing afteranother, you begin to
wonder, was that a trick? was that part of a strategy toeventually set up the gofundme website? what a heartwarmingstory, they need money for their wedding. cenk has a very good reasonfor suspecting this, and i will tell you why. the couple went to spencer'sgifts right after their engagement, where deputiesallege that they stole a watch, an edible thong, a sex toy,panties and sex candy that was
valued at about $80.93." stealing an edible thongis wonderful, because push comes to shove you canjust eat the evidence. but more importantly, i look atthese poor sons of bitches and i think, if you worked on wallstreet you could steal $80 million and in the governmentwould be on your side and help you with that theft. and you are going to gosteal a dildo for $80.93, stuff it in your pants and
the cops are going to catch youand it is going to be embarrassing. they don't know how to steal. i would think that it wouldbe smarter to go out to some that has more value. maybe the walmart, gofundmething was not a savvy trick, maybe these dudes were high andthey were like let's get married! look, edible thong! cornelius is twenty-five, andhis unidentified bride is 20.
they are young, they aremaking stupid decisions. their webpage had a sad message,of course we don't know if it was true, but hereis what it said. again, the websitewas taken down. "yes, we are the sextoy bandits. we are real people withreal problems. we need help raising money forour wedding because i am currently pregnant and homeless. we do not want our babyborn out of wedlock.
anything will help. thank you in advancefor the help." this is the new, slightlymore sophisticated way of the guy coming up to in theparking lot and going, oh man i forgot my wallet and i need todollars for the bus ride. oh my god, this happened to me,and can everybody in the world go to my gofundme page and giveme millions of dollars? they are so unsophisticated thati think they just stumbled from one happenstanceto another.
she got pregnant, so heproposed that the walmart, and then they were high ã± literally,the guy was high, we found out by the way. they get the ediblethongs, the dildos ã± i love your gesture for dildos. so then they are like it,maybe we do the gofundme scam. by the way, they got zerodonations before they got shut down. we're not going to fund you aredildos, your wedding, or
anything. finally, she gets caught, andshe goes i did not do it, and i am not going to tell youthe culprit is, and i'm not going to read out cornelius. you just told us it wascornelius. so then they go get cornelius,and meanwhile she is like, find it was cornelius. it has the most unromanticending of all time. and back to cornelius, theycatch him, where?
at the food court in the mall,and he passed out while tying his shoelaces,because he was high. cornelius, we're going toneed that donger back. you are under arrest. how have they not created areality show around them? hold, just wait.